Stop moaning!

Firstly you are on a train, it is at least making some paltry effort to take you vaguely to your desired destination. This is an option rarely open to us lucky country folk.

Secondly, there are no diversion signs to follow righteously only to find they cease abruptly in the backstreets of Hereford.

Thirdly, no-one, however unfortunate, has ever collected a speeding ticket on a train!

Finally, you are unlikely to be held up by a flock of sheep cantering briskly towards you, shepherded by the mandatory black and white sheep dog and a Mazda pickup, occupying the total unmelted tarmac space.

Well at least you have an train.

Here in Somerset we have but one horseless omnibus, and that is viewed with deep suspicion by the locals. It goes to Chard every spring.

It's all MY fault.

Bugger, no-one to blame but me. Trains running on time, not too crowded and I missed it. Which is strange, because it's the first time I have done anything wrong in my life. EVER.

A great big human turd.

There it is again!
At Chiswick station.
Who the hell keeps doing this?

Please...

... don't turn around quickly when you're wearing a rucksack on a crowded tube... You might be keen to get out as fast as possible, but it gets ugly in your wake.

Fat People.

Get out and walk.

An outrage...

I think it's appalling the way that London Transport are so discriminatory against those not in a steady relationship...

Why not have just one ticket, whether you're single or otherwise? Surely this would cut down on administration costs too?

Together we stand

I think we, the commuters, should go on strike this time...

Who is with me?

Thankyou for travelling with Southwest Trains....

You do understand I HAVE NO CHOICE. That I use your "services" is due soley to the fact I happen to live on your route, rather than any kind of free market descision. Pricks.

Points failure at Gunnersbury

Well of course there is, this area of town is riddled with alternative travel options.

A little public transport humour

Why did the bus cross the road?


Because the lights were turning red & it had no clear exit from the juntion... thus causing the biggest possible delay in the rush hour traffic...

Night Tube

Why doesn't the tube run throughout the night at weekends?

"Because it's bad enough being mugged, raped and stabbed during the day."

Good value enertainment

I don't know what you're all complaining about. I often spend the whole day riding round and round on the circle line. if you disembark at the end of your adventure just a stop or two along from your starting point you can ride the "toob" (as I like to affectionately call it) all day for just the price of a £3.00 single! Where else in London can you benefit from such great value entertainment?

Bus Drivers

Do you really have to drive like a 17 year old in a stolen porsche?

Damn it's hot down here...

... is this what hell feels like?

Tourists...

Here's an idea.. why not wait to stop and read your A to Z until you are more than 2 paces from the top of a crowded escalator?

Bus Drivers Manual - Lesson 1

You know those big red things on poles and on the back of cars and lorries? Yes, they mean that the traffic's about to come to a standstill. So why is your reaction time so slow that every time you have to practise your minimum stopping distances?

It's not always the system....

But often the imbeciles who use it. Here's a thought, why not wait 1 second to see if anyone is actually getting off the train before bleating "excuse me" and barging towards the doors like the obsessive rule following sheep you are.

It's really annoying to have some numpty pushing and shoving the people who, if left alone, would get out of your way anyway, making lfe easier for everyone.

I know we are herded into the underground like animals, but we don't have to start thinking like them.

And stop standing in doorways you inconsiderate fools.

Dirty Buses

Why is it that the top deck of every bus has a floor covered in six discarded newspapers, two exploding bags of crisps and a scuffed up copy of Penthouse?
Do you tell your cleaners there's an upstairs?

Let the statistics speak...

I've done the maths -- they are not making new trains fast enough to cope with the increasing population. If you think it's bad now, spare a thought for the poor commuters of 2050.

Dictionary definintion

Underground (n)
A clandestine, often nationalist, organization fostering or planning hostile activities against, or the overthrow of, a government in power, such as an occupying military government...

Think on....

Humanitarian outrage

If you were to transport cattle to the slaughter in this way there would be public outrage at the appalling cruelty... Someone should call Amnesty International.

I'd do it myself but my brain has been addled by overheating, and my eardrums are perforated from standing too close to the tannoy...

Hot buses

Why can't you buy your buses from the same place every other country in Europe gets theirs?
On the Continent, they cough up for the air-conditioned ones - so why do we have to travel around in greenhouses on wheels?

We are in England.

Would it be too much to ask to have announcements made in English?

Or at the very least coherent.