Food for Thought...

Why, in the height of August, was the number 56 bus pumping out hot air much to the distress of its passengers last night? I was sat adjacent to the heating outlet and couldn't believe what a roasting my leg was receiving. So unhappy with the situation I jumped off the bus - literally* - and decided to walk the rest of my journey.

What I discovered when I got home was gum all down my trouser leg. It had clearly been softened by the warm air and taken a liking to my pantaloons.

I hate gum. I hate watching people chew gum. I hate the smell of gum. I hate people who chew gum. I hate the number 56 for having the heating on and making the gum soft.

My trousers are now in the freezer making opposite of the warm gum situation. The number 56 has gone off head hung in shame.

*obviously not literally literally, that would have been a very dangerous and impratical way of alighting the bus

Apparently....

Good services are currently operating to all Northern Line destinations.

If that is the case why have I been waiting for over 8 minutes on a crowded platform for my train? Kinda takes away the veracity of your claim do you not think?

Also the fact this statement is repeated on a 30 second loop becomes slightly annoying when you have heard it 16 times or so.

And another thing - it really isn't that clever to bang on and on about how you are delivering the service you are contracted to anyway, especially when you manifestly ARE NOT.

Lucky Me!

Due to a temporary change in my living arrangements and consequently being just 10 minutes walk away from work, for 3 glorious weeks I am spared the misery and suffering that is what we affectionately refer to as our city's transport system.

It's bliss.

I can take the smog, the smoke, the noise, even the smell of urine in the underpass, all for not having to get on a train, tube or bus.

Just think, if the rickshaw guys got up earlier in the morning, they'd make a packet!

This really happened......

Scene - Ken's office.

Ken - let's get some busses.

Serf - Ok, how about something like those Routemasters, people like those and they work well in London's small, crowded streets.

Ken - Don't be such an imbecile, get some ugly behemoths that are unwieldy, unsuitable for the capital and catch fire a lot.

Serf - Should we make it so kids can jump on and off for free in the middle, thus annoying the honest fare paying people?

Ken - Good idea, and while you are at it get rid of the existing Routemasters.

Serf - Did you not once say "only a moron would axe the Routemaster"?

Ken - P*ss off.

Ladies and Gentlemen

There are severe delays on the Northern Line.

This is due to chronic underinvestment, a system pushed to overcapacity, a management held to ransom by belligerent and aggressive unions, and an ill educated lackadaisical work-shy workforce.

Oh no, hang on I meant to say signalling problems. My boss is going to kill me!

Still, if he does, we can stage a walk out and bring the capital to it's knees. AGAIN.

Ode to Ken

Oh Ken,
You f@*ked it up again
Ken.
And we all think your policies,
Stink.
Why don't you buy a boat?
You ugly old stoat.
And leave this once-great city,
Which you've turned to pretty sh!tty
With it's over priced and underfunded
Trains, you great big titty.

Rectal Exploration.

Ah that old chestnut.

Just got back from holiday, oh how I missed you my mistress of subterranean torment.

Ken Livingstone

I do not like you.